As my readers know, in September I was laid off by a large national lender that I had worked for for almost 10 years. I felt it coming and had accepted another job with another lender the day before I was laid off, so I was feeling really good about following my intuition and looking for a job when I thought something was going to happen and having a new job when it did.

So I started the new job in October, I was really excited about the new job, it was with one of the largest banks in the country and they had a lot of tools for lenders to use to help market our products and etc. I immediately picked up about $1,000,000 in new loans. I started on a guaranteed salary with the ability to receive additional commission if I exceeded the salary base. With the loans I took in I could have exceeded the salary in November, making for extra money for Xmas. However, I found that the new lender does not have a streamlined and efficient process, they are so unorganized that they can't get a loan to closing. I could bore you with the details of one loan disaster after another that I experienced with this lender and how incompetent and unprofessinal their staff was, and how they appeared to have no regard for human life.

As an experienced lender with 22 years of experience and someone who has a conscience when I deal with my clients, I became very defensive of my customers and felt they were not being treated respectfully, no one even seemed to care what they were doing, there was no smooth loan process and they really didn't care if they met the customers expectation or not, they didn't seem to realize these were people with dreams and lifes and they were messing with them. I would wait and try so hard to get a customer through and then they would come out with new conditions just before we were going to close and I would have to transfer the loans to another lender just to get them through. When I transfer a loan I am not paid for my work, however, I felt great relieve knowing I had finally assisted them with their loan request. After transferring three loans to another lender and watching it close within a week, I got so angry, I quit! Yes, you heard it right, I quit! When there is no regard to a human being in an organization that is suppose to serve them, I just couldn't handle it and the stress was overwhelming, to the point I could not sleep and I was in constant turmoil trying to get more and more ridiculous documentation for inexperienced underwriters who obviously did not know what they were doing. With my years of experience I could have underwritten a loan myself and I was constantly correcting the underwriters and then would have to provide them with documentation from government manuals showing them they were wrong; I'm a government loan specialist and where they got these people, I don't have a clue.

So how smart was that? We are in the peak of a financial crisis and I've been through one myself and I quit my job. Well, I am also no dummy and I know my business reputation and that my name is worth something, so the word hit the street that I had quit and immediately two lenders called. One lender was a local bank desk job lending on an annual salary (very low) plus a commission and no sign on bonus. The other lender was a mortgage company that a few of my former friends had gone to when our company laid us off, they offered a nice incentive package and they were the lender that pickup up my crippled loans and put them through within a week (obviously efficient and organized). So I have chosen the mortgage company with a guaranteed salary into March, which is great because that is our slowest time of year and I also have the ability to make commission if I exceed salary, which I will try very hard to do. I actually start work today and they are allowing me to work out of my home like I have for years.

Am I scared taking a new job in this lending environment? Absolutely, but I'm more confident that I can do my job with these people and I'll just let time take care of things. I'm a little nervous right now with what has happened to me in the last few months with my employment and all the major changes in my life.

I'm really going through a tough time emotionally right now because I sold my home of 26 years, moved an hour away from my kids, my 19 year old baby moved out so I'm experiencing the empty nest syndrome and I've been working nonstop in my new home renovating it so it is more liveable (painting, painting and more painting).

While I'm going through all this, my DH decides to act up, he takes over $700 of money out of our budget and just blows it, he is still out of control with the debit card and adds about another $400 on top of that and he decides to take out a student loan for his child without consulting with me (with a total debt now of $20,000 on student loans). I get the statement in the mail and that is how I find out. Now should this bother me? No it shouldn't if he could pay it by himself, but he is already maxed with his debt and is barely able to meet his expenses and our joint housing expense. We have a joint checking and he is out of control with debit charges and by the end of the month he usually spends more than he brings into the budget. This has been a continuing problem for over a year now. My husband and I have been together for a little over two years, we made some financial decisions in the beginning on how our finances would be handled, because I make more money than my husband we decided on a joint checking so there would no fighting about who was going to pay for this and that, but he has not been able to control his spending and does not have the same frugal nature as I do, it has caused some serious problems in our relationship and when he just takes large sums of money and blows them, I become very upset.

So the house is almost finished, I have just two more rooms to paint, the job situation still shaky and my husband is out of financial control; I'm feeling just a little overwhelmed right now. I'm of the belief that God never gives you more than you can handle, but right now he is pushing it. I'm finding that when all this is going on in your life, it is very hard to keep a positive attitude and I have caught myself being very negative lately; something I intend to work on.

I also have the opinion that when you don't know what to do; do nothing. So I'm just giving all this more time and we will see what happens next, but I am very tired.